如何快速爱上一个陌生人

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看到纽约时报的一篇文章《To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This》. 讲到两个陌生人,如果相互问36道问题,相互看几分钟,大有可能爱上对方。真的有那么神奇吗?沿着文中的链接,去看了一下提到的36道问题,每12道题为一组,一共三组,一组比一组深入。我看了之后,就觉得这么多问题问下来,不仅深度了解了对方,也深度了解了自己,还时不时感受到俩人的共同点和对方的闪光点。能不爱上对方么?估计跟自己的爱人谈恋爱的时候也没这么深入了解过对方。

大家也来见识一下这些问题吧。

Set I (第一组)

  • 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 全世界的人可以任选的话,你想跟谁共进晚餐?
  • 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 你想出名吗?那个方向?
  • 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 打电话之前你会先想一下怎么说吗?为什么?
  • 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 你的完美的一天是什么样的?
  • 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 你上一次是什么时候唱歌给自己听的?给别人听呢?
  • 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 如果你能保持30岁的心态或者身体一直到90岁,你是想保持心态呢还是身体?
  • 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 你有没有想象过自己何时死去,会是怎么死的?
  • 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.说说你跟对方的三个共同点。
  • 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 你感觉自己目前为止最感恩什么?
  • 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 如果能改变自己的成长方式,你想改变什么?
  • 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 用四分钟时间跟对方讲一下你的人生经历,越详细越好。
  • 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? 如果明天醒来,你会有一项才能或者能力,你想拥有什么?

Set II (第二组)

  • 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 如果一个水晶球能提前告诉你,你的人生,未来或者其他任何事情的真相,你想知道什么?
  • 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 你有什么一直梦想而没实现的事情吗?为啥一直没实现呢?
  • 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 你觉得你的最大成就是什么?
  • 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 在一段友谊之中你最珍视的是什么?
  • 17. What is your most treasured memory? 你最宝贵的记忆是什么?
  • 18. What is your most terrible memory? 你最糟糕的记忆是什么?
  • 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 假如你知道自己在某一年会突然死去,你会改变现在的生活方式吗?为什么?
  • 20. What does friendship mean to you? 友谊对于你来说意味着什么?
  • 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 爱与情感在你生活中扮演着什么样的角色?
  • 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 和你的同伴(伴侣)轮流说出心目中对方的一个好品质,每人说五条。
  • 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 你的家人之间关系是否亲密温暖,你觉得自己的童年比其他多数人更快乐幸福吗?
  • 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? 你觉得自己和母亲之间的关系怎么样?

Set III (第三组)

  • 25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “ 每人用“我们”造三个真实情况的句子,比如“我们俩在屋子里感觉……”
  • 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “ 补完这个句子:“我希望和某人在一起能够分享……”
  • 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 如果你想和对方成为亲近的朋友,请告诉对方有什么重要的事情是他或她需要知道的。
  • 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 告诉对方你喜欢她(他)什么,不过这次需要诚实,说一些你一般不会跟刚认识的人说的。
  • 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 和对方分享自己生命中的尴尬时刻。
  • 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 你上一次是什么时候当着别人的面哭的?自己偷偷哭呢?
  • 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 告诉对方,你已经喜欢上了他或她身上的什么品质。
  • 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 如果有的话,你觉得什么事情严肃地不能拿来开玩笑?
  • 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 如果你今晚就将死去,没有机会同任何人联络,你会因为之前没有对别人说什么话而感到遗憾吗?你为什么到现在都没有对他们说这些话呢?
  • 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 假设你拥有的全部东西都在你的房子里,现在房子着了火,救出家人和宠物之后,你还有机会安全地冲进去最后一次去取出一件东西,你会拿什么?为什么?
  • 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?你的家人中,谁去世了会令你最不安,为什么?
  • 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. 说出一件你的个人问题,问对方如果遇到此事要如何解决。另外,也要让对方如实告诉你,在他(她)眼中,你对于这个问题的感受看起来是怎样的。

看完这些问题,我有一个强烈的感想,如果有时间跟自己的配偶坐下来讨论回答这些问题,哪怕是一周相互回答三四个问题,夫妻俩也会情比金坚,不至于成为最亲密的陌生人。这世上哪会来这么多的怨偶,哪会来那么多的分居与离婚?

我读完《男人来自火星,女人来自金星》之后,就想难道结婚就是男女关系的分水岭吗?按照书中的论调,结婚对男人来说就是征服行动的结束—我赢了!他可以去全心全力征服别的了—事业,甚至别的女人(所以书中劝女人千万别吃醋吃惊—男人花心是天生的)。而对女人来说,结婚就是新生的开始,需要融入新的环境,适应新的家庭,调整自己的心态,相夫教子,伺候公婆,打点人情来往,……

每天的劳碌与消磨让两人身心疲惫,都觉得对方不体谅自己的辛苦,牢骚越来越多,家不再是避风的港湾,幸福的桃源,一个厌恶,另一个恐惧。一旦都觉得如果不是为了孩子,就不怎么想忍受对方的臭脾气坏毛病的时候,是不是觉得对方早不是自己婚前认识的那个人?那个自己心里眼里都爱的人去了哪里?

攻城容易守城难,大家还是拿这些问题来守城吧,别想着弃了旧城全力攻新城,哪个城攻下来不需守?哪个旧城能随便弃? 😆


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